On being a white therapist…
These conversations are critical because, by virtually every measure, racial inequality persists, and institutions continue to be overwhelmingly controlled by white people. While most of us see ourselves as “not racist,” we continue to reproduce racist outcomes and live segregated lives. - Robin diAngelo from https://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2019/jan/16/racial-inequality-niceness-white-people - and I would encourage you to watch the video embedded in the article.
Recently I asked one of my clients what the experience is like for them to see a white therapist. This question is always in the background with clients who are not white, but always only comes out after a story is shared with me about how race and inequality has affected my client. (Why only then?) When race comes up during session, I find myself listening even harder (what might that action mean?) and trying to put myself more deeply in their shoes (which I know is fundamentally not possible). I become transported to what it might be like not to be heard, not understood, denied access to healthcare and education, live with a history of chronic segregation and suppression, and what it might really be like to experience what they have experienced. I contrast this to my experiences, and discover the valley between us is so deep and wide on many levels. I then turn to my stories of abuse and experiences with the police, and from that small narrative I can connect on an even deeper but only in a very small way. (I too have not felt heard by the police, and was dismissed as if I was making a big deal out of nothing - I too have had plenty of experiences with patriarchy and misogyny, but nowhere near what my clients have faced under the intersection of race and inequality.)
A lot is happening in my mind during every therapy session. I continually learn and grow from every session, and when I meet with POC (and sometimes white) clients, on the daily, I further recognize how racism and every type of phobia was part of how I was raised, my culture, and part of my experience as a white heterosexual cisgender woman. I don’t want to continue that thread - I want to interrupt it - but I know this will be lifelong work of protest and continuous introspection.
Even though I know I will never fully know what my client’s experience has been like I aways find myself silently recognizing how I have inherently and automatically been given more access to education, healthcare, jobs, money, and an overall systemic safety from being judged and suppressed, plus I don’t carry a history of segregation and marginalization - for no other reason than the color of my skin. I know I have white privilege and experience white shame.
This is not the first time I’ve asked my clients who are people of color this question. The responses are always varied but usually start with that they weren’t sure about me when they learned I was white, but they wanted to give me a chance - what does that say? That question takes me a hundred different directions. Think about it. Where does that question take you?
The answer to my question always seems to end in the same place - that they feel heard and not judged even though they intrinsically know I have not experienced the same marginalization that they have. Shame then shows up for me, as I’m not looking for accolades. I’m looking to understand their experience sitting with me to see what I can do better (still white shame?).
In my opinion it is imperative for white therapists to continuously evaluate their personal biases and where those embedded beliefs might have come from and why - and not just once, but every time we sit with a person of color. Reading a book on antiracism is something we should all do, as white therapists inherently represent a facet of society that has suppressed and held back POC clients over hundreds of years through Western colonial expansion. It doesn’t matter and unrelated if you have had difficult experiences in your life - those experiences will never be quite as hard as what our POC clients have faced in life.
I am deeply honored to work with people of color who are willing to allow me a peek into the their lives (is that performative?). For me, I can only imagine how difficult my clients’ lived experiences have been. Bottom line, life has just been harder for them. And that, my friends, is an irrefutable fact. What might you do today to dismantle what you’ve been taught to operate in the world as a white person? Who might you become if you begin to acknowledge your inherent power in the room as a white therapist? While there is so much more to say and deconstruct, I believe that change can begin in those micro-moments.
xo
#keeplearning #narrativetherapy #antiracist